From time to time I revisit the question: why are young adults walking away from religion? Although the answer(s) vary from person to person, there are some general trends that I think apply in most cases.In the list below, when I refer to “we,” “I” or “me,” I’m referring to younger adults in general, and not necessarily myself. We’ve Been Hurt: I can actually include myself in this one personally. Sometimes the hurtful act is specific, like when my youth leader threw a Bible at me for asking the wrong questions. Sometimes it’s rhetorical, either from the pulpit, in a small group study or over a meal. Sometimes it’s physical, taking the form of sexual abuse or the like. But millions claim a wound they can trace back to church that has never healed. Why? In part, because the church rarely seeks forgiveness. Adult Life/College and Church Don’t Seem to Mix: There are the obvious things, like scheduling activities on Sunday mornings (hint: young people tend to go out on Saturday nights), but there’s more to it. In college, and before that by our parents, we’re taught to explore the world, broaden our horizons, think critically, question everything and figure out who we are as individuals. Though there’s value in this, it’s hyper-individualistic. But Church is more about community. In many ways, it represents, fairly or not, sameness, conformity and a “check your brain at the door” ethos. This stands in opposition to what the world is telling us is important at this time in life. Perhaps an emphasis on a year of community service after high school would be a natural bridge to ameliorate some of this narcissism we’re building in to ourselves. There’s No Natural Bridge to Church: Most teenagers leave home, either for college, to travel, work or whatever after high school. With the bad economy, this number is fewer, but it’s a general trend. But the existing model of church still depends on the assumption that communities are relatively static, and that the church is at the center of that community. Not so anymore. When I went to college, I was contacted by fraternities, campus activity groups and credit card companies, but not one church. We’re Distracted: It’s not that we don’t care; we have so many things competing for our limited time and attention that the passive things that don’t offer an immediate “interrupt” get relegated to the “later” pile. And we rarely ever get to the “later” pile, which leads me to the next point… We’re Skeptical: We’re exposed to more ad impressions in a month today than any other previous generation experienced in a lifetime. I see more than a dozen marketing messages. If I turn on the TV, they’re there. Pick up my phone, they’re there. Online…you get the point. So whereas generations before us expended energy seeking information out, now it comes at us in such overwhelming volumes that we spend at least the same amount of energy filtering things out. We’re Exhausted: I was lumped in as pat of the Generation X group, also known as the Slacker Generation. This implied, of course, that we were lazy and unmotivated. But consider how many of us go to college, compared to generations before us. And consider that the baseline standard for family economics requires a two-income revenue stream to live in any level of the middle class. Debt and credit are givens, and working full-time while also trying to maintain a marriage, raise kids, have friends and – God forbid – have some time left for ourselves leaves us with less than nothing. We’re always running a deficit. So when you ask me to set aside more time and more money for church, you’re trying to tap already empty reserves. I Don’t Get It: Young adults today are the most un-churched generation in a long time. In many cases, it’s not that we’re walking away from church; we never went in. From what I can tell from the outside, there’s not much relevance to my life in there, and I’m not about to take the risk of walking through the door to find out otherwise. I’ve tried to offer insight into what might be done about a few of these issues as I went, but I invite you also to sit with the tension of not having the answers. Better yet, seek some young adults out, ask them if they relate to these. And see if they have ideas about what you (maybe not even “church” but you) can do to help relieve some of the challenges.
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![]() Depression among teens is a growing phenomenon that is beginning to spiral out of control. Access to social media such as facebook and twitter, and many reality T.V. shows, go a long way to adding to this problem. The teenage years are very trying times for many teens. If teens can realize some of the things that cause depression, they may be better able to handle these situations when they occur. Many teens suffer from depression because of the way they look or how they live their lives. The images portrayed on television, in magazines and on the internet give a distorted view of reality. It’s important to understand that normal, average teenagers, or people of any age, don’t look like, act like and live like what is shown in the media. Teens are given a false sense of reality about how life and people really are. If you are suffering from depression because you feel like you aren’t pretty enough, smart enough or have money, understand that you are not alone. Other teens may suffer from depression as a result of a difficult breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend. In this case, it’s important for teens to realize that dating has its ups and downs. Most people don’t end up marrying the people that they dated in high school. Before suffering from depression over a break up, teens need to rebuild their self confidence and tell themselves that they are very deserving of someone that will care about and respect them. Some teens suffer from depression as a result of a divorce. The causes of parents divorcing each other is not the fault of the teen child. Even though a teen’s parents may no longer love each other, this does not mean that they do not love their children any less. ![]() Many teens experience depression and don’t know how to handle it other than cutting themselves. Friends and family should immediately recognize the sign of a cutter and get them help right away. Borderline syndrom: The results of cutting yourself Many teenagers go through very confusing times during their adolescent years, and while many parents may see their teenagers going through normal, simple problems, teens may see these problems differently. The stress endured by teens could lead to thoughts of suicide. Self mutilation or being a borderline / cutter is one of the signs that suicide could be imminent for a depressed teen. Action should be taken immediately with a borderline / cutter so that they don’t harm themselves. Immediate action is needed with a borderline / cutter because their mind is not in a rational state. They have already started cutting themselves, and if gone unnoticed, suicide could be the next step. A professional counselor or therapist can determine whether or not the teen is suffering from severe long term depression or suffering from a short term crises where they simply don’t have the skills to cope. Medication and/or coping skills could be all a teen needs to help them through their tough times. There are many reasons why teens may want to cut themselves. One reason is that it gives them power and control over something. Cutting themselves is one thing teens can control when they feel out of control with the rest of their lives. It could also be a cry for help or for getting attention, and they feel there is no other way to ask. Friends and family can help a borderline / cutter by first recognizing the signs of a borderline / cutter. If there are noticeable wounds on the body, then this could be a sign of a problem. If the borderline / cutter doesn’t attempt to conceal or hide these wounds, then this could be a cry for help. Friends and family should then take action immediately when seeing any signs of self mutilation by seeking professional help for the troubled teen. Whatever the reasons, a borderline / cutter is not in a rationale state of mind, and friends and family should be ready to help before it goes too far. The fear of failure is prevalent among teens. The adolescent years are already confusing enough, and many teens experience a very real fear of being rejected by their peers for attempting to take on daunting tasks and failing at them. This fear of failure has caused many teens to quit striving for the things they want to achieve in life, instead they would rather blend into the crowd.
Many teens must learn to overcome their fear of failure because many of life’s lessons are learned from failing. Michael Jordan, one of the best basketball players of all time, was cut from his high school basketball team the first time he tried out. Instead of giving into his fear of failure, he continued to practice harder than he had ever done. Needless to say, he tried out for the team again, and this time he made it, and the rest is history. Albert Einstein, considered one of the smartest people in the world, did not learn how to read until he was the age of seven. If he did not overcome his fear of failure, he would not have gone on to do some of the great things he is known for, including winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Teens must be willing to fail in order to become someone or do something great. The best advice to give to teenagers with a fear of failure is that time will heal all wounds. Many years from now their peers may not even remember the thing that they attempted and failed. Grief is a normal human response to the loss of a parent and is a way of healing from the pain of the loss – but you need to accept the pain and not try to cover it up before the healing can start.
Grief is unique. Everyone experiences it in different ways. These phases can combine with each other in different ways and some can last for weeks, months, or even years; but they’re all normal parts of experiencing grief.
First, let us say, we are so sorry for your loss.
Losing a parent is traumatic no matter how it happens, and to put it mildly, hurts like hell. It’s scary. Whether you lost one or both of your parents, your life has changed forever and you may find yourself not only trying to handle your own grief, but the grief of your surviving relatives as well. Not to mention – this is a parent who might be your primary caregiver, and now your whole life is changing. Maybe you have to go live somewhere completely different with new people and a new school. No matter what the situation is - it’s a big deal, and this experience will shape your relationship with life and death in the future.The most important thing is for you to know how to deal with the grieving process so that you can survive this – and you CAN! What is Loss? Sudden losses happen unexpectedly. There could be a car accident, suicide, or heart attack. These types of losses shake us to the core and make us question the stability of life. Predictable losses are expected – maybe your parent had a long struggle with cancer or another sickness. These types of losses aren’t as shocking as sudden losses because we have time to prepare ourselves, but they’re harder because you have to deal with two kinds of grief: the kind that happens before your parent dies (anticipatory grief) and the kind that happens after their death actually happens and you say your goodbyes. Tips for Coping with Loss:
Try your best to communicate what you need as directly and politely as possible. This is going to be difficult at best, especially when you are feeling frustrated and the people around you are trying to help. Try your best to be open to people reaching out to you. The adults who don’t push you, but still show you that they care in a quiet sort of way are definitely the best ones to talk to when you’re feeling really down or pissed off. Make a mental list of who is safe and who is annoying (or who might be bad for you) so you know who you can go to. It is okay to feel upset, angry, frustrated, depressed, or numb. Find a support system who will allow you to be who you are and what you need to be at the time. |
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August 2017
Table Talk ClevelandAddressing issues and concerns adolescents encounter. Categories |