First, let us say, we are so sorry for your loss.
Losing a parent is traumatic no matter how it happens, and to put it mildly, hurts like hell. It’s scary. Whether you lost one or both of your parents, your life has changed forever and you may find yourself not only trying to handle your own grief, but the grief of your surviving relatives as well. Not to mention – this is a parent who might be your primary caregiver, and now your whole life is changing. Maybe you have to go live somewhere completely different with new people and a new school. No matter what the situation is - it’s a big deal, and this experience will shape your relationship with life and death in the future.The most important thing is for you to know how to deal with the grieving process so that you can survive this – and you CAN!

What is Loss?

Sudden losses happen unexpectedly. There could be a car accident, suicide, or heart attack. These types of losses shake us to the core and make us question the stability of life.

Predictable losses are expected – maybe your parent had a long struggle with cancer or another sickness. These types of losses aren’t as shocking as sudden losses because we have time to prepare ourselves, but they’re harder because you have to deal with two kinds of grief: the kind that happens before your parent dies (anticipatory grief) and the kind that happens after their death actually happens and you say your goodbyes.

Tips for Coping with Loss:

• Talk to friends
  
• Talk to family
  
• Don’t expect that you’re going to “get over it”
  
• Write about it
  
• Let it out
  
• Let yourself feel it, don’t bottle it up
  
• Talk to a therapist
  
• Exercise
  
• Don’t try to act like it’s not a big deal

People are going to make decisions for you, and you may feel like you’re not being given a choice in your own future. It may feel as if you are being treated like you’re just a kid and your opinion doesn't matter. People may discuss things in front of you without asking for your input. Unfortunately, many people do not know how to act when faced with death and grief; they may be afraid to talk to you about what you need.

Try your best to communicate what you need as directly and politely as possible.  This is going to be difficult at best, especially when you are feeling frustrated and the people around you are trying to help.

Try your best to be open to people reaching out to you. The adults who don’t push you, but still show you that they care in a quiet sort of way are definitely the best ones to talk to when you’re feeling really down or pissed off. Make a mental list of who is safe and who is annoying (or who might be bad for you) so you know who you can go to.

It is okay to feel upset, angry, frustrated, depressed, or numb. Find a support system who will allow you to be who you are and what you need to be at the time.

How to survive adolescence.

There are a few skills you may need if you are going to survive adolescence without any major traumas!

1. Organization
You will be very busy trying to juggle your school life, home life, social life and possibly your part-time working life. It is important that you give yourself time to do all of this stuff and get some sort of balance in your life.

• Try setting up a timetable based on what you have to do and what you would like to do.
• Don't forget to build in some time for exercise and fun!

If you are going to survive and even enjoy your adolescent years, then the 'have to do' bit must be more important. Otherwise you will find yourself becoming very stressed by being late, not being ready, not having finished work on time, getting into trouble everywhere and feeling pretty bad about yourself.

2. Communication
Communication gets more important the older you are.

• Keep talking to your parents, even though there may be times when you think that they just don't understand. They have your best interests at heart, and if they're 'nagging' you about getting things done, it's because they love you and want you to do well and be happy.
• If you are honest about where you are going and keep to the rules that they set, it makes your parents feel that they can trust you – and you will be able to negotiate a 'better deal' with them as time goes on and they feel that you are maturing in attitude.   
• Talk to your friends. You will find that many of them will be finding life tough at times. Even talking about your worries helps you to realize that you are not on your own, and gives you the will to carry on trying.   

3. Respect
Have respect for the people in your life, and especially for yourself.

• Don't do things that may get you or your friends into trouble.
• Have respect for the adults in your life, including your parents, teachers and other people in authority.
• Remember that the opposite of having rules is anarchy, where the strongest, bullying and threatening people are in charge – in that situation who will help you when you need help?
  

What to look out for:

• Responsibility - as an adult you have to be responsible for yourself. Use adolescence as a time of training by accepting more responsibility for your work, your actions, your body and your wellbeing.
• Peer group pressure is something that does exist. It is not just something to be used as an excuse when someone gets into trouble! Peer pressure can be a very positive influence on your life, so hang out with positive people and be a positive person yourself.
• Friends are very important at this time of your life. Choose them carefully. Understand that most people may know lots of others, but true friends, best friends are few and far between. A true friend is someone who cares about you, keeps your confidences and makes time for you to do things together. Internet friends may not be who they say they are - be careful what you tell them.
• Parents - treat them with care. While you are going through lots of changes, so are they. They are not only getting older, but they are having to come to terms with their child (you) changing, growing, and becoming more independent of them. It's hard for them to accept that their little boy or girl is turning into a young person who does not need them in the same way that a small child does. Of course, they will still be around for hugs, etc. when you need them – they just need to learn that it's when YOU need them! And it's never too early to start noticing when they need a hug from you!